Strangely enough, one can be loved and accepted un-conditionally and still not feel genuinely loved. What feels like love will vary with the individual – this is why you must know your mate so well. O
ne person may measure love by the way his material needs are met, or by tangible items such as expensive gifts. Another may feel loved when her husband helps her with the dishes. One will measure love by the amount of time spent together, or by the quality
of openness and sharing of thoughts between the two. Another desperately needs to hear often the words: I love you. Still another measures love by physical affection – hugs and kisses. One person puts a heavy emphasis on the loyalty shown by the mate, especially in public. Another values sensitivity shown to feelings. Some will measure love by the support given to their personal growth and development. There are so many languages of love! While
all I have mentioned are important, some of them will have special, even critical significance for your mate on an emotional level. Learn what speaks love to your partner; then express your love in ways that cannot be doubted. Ed Wheat, Love Life, p. 126
Gary Chapman has written a number of practical books on what he calls The Five Love Languages (including books relating the “love languages” to Teens, and to Children.) He suggests that there are five love languages, each with various dialects: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, Physical Touch.
Seldom do a husband and wife have the same primary love language. Less seldom do families share the same primary love languages. Our primary love language may change over time. We have "love tanks" that need to be regularly filled. We need to learn to speak our loved ones’ primary love languages. When your spouse feels secure in your love, they will move toward greater growth and joy. When their love tank is full they will be better able to impact their world with love. When their love tank is empty, they feel used and worthless, their world feels dark and oppressive. A person’s criticisms and complaints can be major clues to what their primary love language is. "My spouse’s criticisms about my behavior provide me with the clearest clue to
her primary love language. People tend to criticize their spouse most loudly in the area where they themselves have the deepest emotional need. Their criticism is an ineffective way of pleading for love."
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